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the hero of me

ang homily last last week. ung mga pinangakuan mo na mga bagay. tuparin mo. so… matagal ko ng pinangako. at i ta try na gawin. para maging masaya daw ang buhay. pray daw and tumupad sa pangako. e.g. ang kasal, ang trabaho et al.. ako pina pangako ko na i won’t forget you and the el nido days. and everything about us. but i will FORGET the feeling of how was it like to fall in love under the stars. while seriously there was a shooting star while we were in the lagoon. romantic yes. but the memories are just memories that i can’t seriously forget. but. i’ll choose to forget the feeling and wont hope ever again. for you to come back. =) i want to end this damsel in distress part of my life. and i want to be the hero of myself. no one’s gonna save me from shit and i wont expect sympathy empathy and love from you or from whoever. i have to be independent. i had to. that’s why i chose to leave the land of dreams and easy life and beach. i’ll close all doors that are meant to be closed. issues of the past. make it clean and nice. and start a new life of the unknown. new friends. new government (amen).  new society. and the seriously me. the hero of my own.

그 남자

이 노래 는 … 우리를 이다..우리.. =( us.

Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?

If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

‘Cause I’m not fine at all
If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
I’d hold you closer than I ever did before
And you’d never slip away
And you’d never hear me say

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

너무보고싶어..너무 많은 내가 메모리를 죽이고 싶어..of us.

=) one day

i keep singing this. one day. this will all be, forgotten.

잠시라도 곁에 행복했던 기억들은 가슴에 간직할게요
두 눈에 수 놓아진 저 별들처럼 영원히…..

원 데 이 아 윌 프 겥 유, 맡. =)


Maybe i will be forever a kid. I will never marry. I will love animals. Maybe ill be a vet. Or an artist. A painter. A zoo keeper while playing the guitar taming a bear. Maybe. I may not be forever young

But i dont want to grow old. Nor grow up. Responsibilities? Maybe loving my mom is enough. Maybe.. ive grown up to the extent.. ive known that loving some shit is seriously is a. So im keeping it simple.

Philippine Government

growing up for almost 2 decades (some more years and itll be 3) here in the country is amusing to a child’s mind. i grew up in a roman catholic family and studying in a catholic school. The school taught us to be aware of the government and politics but also love the country.. i did love the country and defended it from my relatives who then lives abroad .. told them that Philippines is better than theirs. One highschool day, my social studies teacher said we need to love our country and stay here and work for a better government. i graduated college and worked for the government and saw the real world im living in. With some money in my pocket, i got to travel abroad with my own sweat, tears, (yes tears), and blood. i then realized the world outside my country which i really love or had loved. i saw the difference of the system here and there and in every country i have visited. The tax im working for, we’re working for all are a joke. We are so family oriented and very humble that we work for a government who never cares. If you are a middle class person working average with the ever changing environment here and globally, there will be a time we’ll get sick in our life. The things that you worked for and saved for will all be in vain paying for your hospital bill and your pending personal bills. An ordinary Filipino family will knock on others door to borrow money to save their loved ones. It is because we are family oriented. We love our family to the point some hesitate to work abroad and change their paths because their loved ones are here. You work here, save money, pay tax for nothing. I cant appreciate the government’s effort to change itself. I had a dream that someday during my lifetime things will change. now that im an adult, i don’t see anything. change or what. still, politics is the same. Some stays here because they have a “stable” job. Stable in a sense ordinary. the typical. the usual. the doctor, the lawyer, the nurse, the teacher. the stable job where generates a humble amount of money just right to buy a pair of shoes for a year. I look at the people, my own people, work hard during daytime and works overtime for the family. we work for the country so it could be better than yesterday.. better to live in.. but i can’t figure out why stay this way? this safe way? the typical life? i can’t figure it out. imagine a typical mother who walks in the dark streets with a pair of an ordinary black shoes 1.5inch high, looking up with the blinking meralco yellow light in the streets of nowhere. waiting for the 15th of the month to pay for her growing kids needs. at 7pm or 8pm, she’ll be home tired but will cook for the family. she pays her tax and gets sick and will use her savings for the kids. she could probably buy a pair of decent shoes after her children finishes college which will be in 15years time. Where is justice for these hardworking people? And in the news, all you can see is politicians going to some funeral in groups per city showing their support. from their bodyguards down to their secretary with their allies. Filipinos are as sweet as chocolate as tough as grass.. but i dream of a better country but how can i change it? im a citizen of this country, im a typical citizen who works for the betterment of the wallet of the people sitting in their respective chairs. and you’ll see their children having the time of their life spending the money ive cried for and shed a ton of sweat. then you’ll just close your eyes pray hard that things will change tomorrow. tomorrow, your children will become a citizen of this country living again under the hands of the sons and daughters of the politicians who got their money from your sweat and blood. who can afford to live and spend money for hospitalization outside the country, thanks to our people’s effort. You dream of a better world for your children. Your children will work hard. save hard. get sick in this ever changing world. but ofcourse, it is a cycle, the rich lives the poor dies the middle class people tries to survive. thanks to the people who work their lives. where is justice? where is equality? where is the government? we musn’t blame our people who chose to fly out of the country. they’ve seen it. they saw how it is like to have a better life. a rational government. not perfect but you’d benefit in return. people work for the government, the government takes care of its people. but here. they take care of their wallets and the wallets of their future generation.. so what is the life of an ordinary filipino citizen? she’ll watch the ordinary telenovela of heartbreaks to express her feelings. the kawawa feeling. the feeling of someone is just like me, so tomorrow, i will survive, this life is okay, i am okay because the tv says it is okay. that’s it. the media? also dysfunctional. (ill post that one later). i feel sorry for the people, for my own people i can’t help. but don’t blame me if im going to do myself a favor and find a better place to live in. so my future generation and the new economy im working for will return and love my future family. it’s not me alone, but for the future people. i dont want to repeat the cycle of work hard, enroll your children in a good school .try to bring them to college with people who has connections to the society and the cycle repeats again. the life of the middle citizen working hard for the future. i feel you people. for the rich, as rich as henry sy, good job. we work for your company, we work to be like you, but we’ll never be you cause of this dysfunctional government. GOOD change is way too far from my now, change is inevitable but it doesn’t mean change is for our own good. Philippines, I love you. It’s a country giving it’s citizen an unrequited love. we work, you hate us. we work for someone’s wallet. the tax goes like smoke, can’t be seen. but yeah. let’s move on. do yourself a favor. spread this thing and rethink about life. your life and the cycle. what about for those who doesn’t work for that “stable” work like doctors et al? for the artistic ones, we try to make it to the industry. still you still have connections and they don’t really care of your talent. it should be extra ordinary. or again connections. with the unstable 34-25 pay, you aren’t really sure of your future. so hold on guys! change is far from our existence. but please, change yourself. your family’s future. rethink. move out maybe? or study outside the country? idk. please, let’s not see your children and grandchildren to experience that cycle again. for those who had kids or suddenly had an existing kid from nowhere and you need to “marry” the girl or the boy.. think again. it’s not only you in the world now. think of your family. be smart. but yeah, if you are smart that moment in time, there wouldn’t be an instant baby in your face. with the media now and showing adultery and early exposure to sex and stuff and social medias available to a 4 year old watching “anaconda”. change yourself, change your future family and you. you’re smart for finishing this article or maybe rant that i’ve typed. for you gave yourself a favor to be smart. To you, thumbs up!